Conflict Management

Last week, my sister-in-law Yolanda and I were talking about our family reunion that was coming up and we got into a disagreement that could have exploded into a big mess if I had not stopped and thought about what we were saying to one another. We begin to disagree on if my niece Jennifer, who is letting her boyfriend live with her and her daughter come to the reunion and bring him along. I disagree with her living arrangements, and Yolanda said I am to old fashion and I need to get with the program. I do not believe in that and definitely not bring him to openly share a room. She tells me (Yolanda) that no one has the right to tell Jennifer whom she can bring to the reunion. This is when we begin to get into it, with me telling her that this child has no respect for herself, and by the way her grandmother is not going to let that happen anyway. She comes back at me about I cannot tell people who the can love or be with. That is true, but I can tell her as my niece how others are talking about her and what she is showing her daughter about life.

Yolanda had clicked into attack mode, getting louder and breathing hard on the phone. I felt at this point neither one of us was going to solve anything by going back and forward.  I told her, you have your opinion and I have mine. There is a right and wrong, but you have the right to believe what you want just as I do as well. She stopped for a few seconds and said that is right. I do have my opinion as you have yours. It is ok to agree to disagree. It is what makes us all individuals. Yes, she said all true and we moved on to something else.

I see the three R’s in my communication with Yolanda as well as using the platinum rule.  I used two of the 12 skills that come to mind from the Conflict Resolution Network (www.crnhq.org.) The Win/Win Approach and the Willingness to Resolve skills because both of us wanted to be right – I win / Yolanda win. The willingness to resolve because someone has to be the bigger person and know when enough is just enough, Did Jennifer bring her boyfriend to the reunion? No, grandma spoke and he stayed home.

Reference 

Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_1